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~ An expat psychologist living in Holland

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Category Archives: desires

3 strategies to boost your self- esteem

01 Saturday Jul 2017

Posted by Dr. Sharon Galor in adjustment, Another point of view, CBT, cognitive, desires, Gratitude, self- criticism, self-acceptance, self-compassion, self-esteem, Uncategorized

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confidence, Gratitude, self- criticism, self-acceptance, self-esteem, vulnerability

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A  healthy level of self- esteem is comprised of a balanced and realistic evaluation of the whole self, which involves awareness, recognition and acceptance of both positive and negative aspects of the self. Needless to say challenging your beliefs about yourself, adjusting unhelpful behaviors and adapting helpful ones will heighten your self- esteem the most. The following, however, are 3 DIY strategies that could help too.

1. Make a distinction between who you are and what you do/have done-when we criticize ourselves for making a mistake, failing, not living up to our expectations or being imperfect, we tend to label ourselves and that label influences how we value ourselves. Firstly always question if you deserve that label.

Realize that, for example, making a stupid and inappropriate remark does not mean you are stupid. Your IQ did not change from what it was before that remark was made, did it not? It is a behavior choice at a specific moment not the definition of who you are. Similarly can be said in situations in which you might have failed to reach a goal… Does that mean you are failure as you might label yourself? Will you always fail in the future? Have you had no successes before? And what is your definition of failure, does it truly define your whole self or is it specific to this goal?

When you are able to make that distinction, you are not letting situational and changeable factors diminish your self- esteem. Learning your lesson and improving the next time will strengthen  your self-esteem, as well as, your skills and capacities.

2. Focus on yourself not on comparing yourself with others-  Comparing ourselves to others is usually done by focusing only on that which we lack/ our flaws , which magnify them and by ignoring our strengths and assets,  while in the comparison  over-exaggerating  others’ assets, even putting them on a pedestal as the ideal standard and minimizing or ignoring others’ flaws and struggles. Both are unrealistic and the consequences are harmful to your self -esteem.

Redirect your focus on your own strengths, assets and fortunes instead. Appreciating and valuing your true self starts by acknowledging and celebrating all the positive points of your inner beauty( your values, virtues, inner strengths, characteristics, abilities, talents etc.) You can write them down and also mention why you are grateful for them, which will solidify your positive points. Think about being a better version of yourself by developing your own strengths and skills further, growing the positive characteristics and virtues in you even more, rather than aiming at becoming or achieving a biased and imagined perceived standard that you see in others.

Motivate and encourage yourself by looking at your achievements, who you are right now and how you can realistically become a better version of the present you, rather than only criticizing yourself for not being who you think you should be more like and changing yourself to be like others. Be accepting and kinder to yourself, as well as, pat yourself on the back when you deserve it. It will help you boost your self -esteem as you will see yourself in a more positive and imperfectly human light.

3 Be aware of your needs and nurture yourself – Being aware of what you need, be it psychological, emotional, social, physical needs etc ( e.g. emotional support,  time to relax or heal, delegate your duties, alone time, further develop your knowledge,  pamper yourself, taking a nap) and fulfilling these needs is telling yourself I matter. I value myself and I am worthy of giving myself the love, care, attention and personal growth that I require now. I am worthy of investing time and effort in myself at least I as do in others (who you probably unquestionably are attuned to and attend more easily to their needs). When you do that you validate yourself and thereby strengthen your self- esteem.

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4 tips to ensure successful goal attainment

31 Friday Mar 2017

Posted by Dr. Sharon Galor in adjustment, Another point of view, cognitive, desires, goals, Inspiration, motivation, Motivational, perseverance, problem solving, self-control

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Challenge, commitment, confidence, motivation, perseverance, Procrastination

GIFT VOUCHER

Goal striving and achievement  contribute to our happiness and life satisfaction.  Maintaining the motivation despite the obstacles and unplanned influential factors that come in our path is somewhat challenging to everyone.

These 4 tips can help you maintain your motivation easier.

1.Focus on what you can control and especially on the process – There are many factors that play a role and can influence your goal achievement. Some are within your control such as your behavior, decisions, attitude, appraisals and some are not, like other people’s reactions, preferences and motivation to collaborate or participate (e.g. career goals), genetics, hormones, body’s reaction (e.g. weight loss) etc.

The factors that are not within your control are still influential on your goal achievement.  Focusing only on the specific what or how much you want to achieve and not taking into account the factors, which are out of your control and slow you down,  will lead to loss of motivation, anger and frustrations when you do not achieved the goal completely and/or according to your time planning. However, if you focus on your process , the journey, your actions and efforts to achieve the progress as you come another step closer to your goal, then you will feel more motivated to keep perusing that goal, as well as, more in control and confident in all that you can do, your improvements and the undertaken personal growth.

2.  Make plans– define your goal in a specific and measurable way. Make a plan that specifies every little step that you need to take and the time you set for yourself to obtain it. Noting the details, the resources that you require and making it into a collection of small goals will make your plan feel more achievable and less daunting. Be realistic with your expectations and deadlines. If you tend to procrastinate, set for yourself right from the start some countermeasures. Achieving each little step of your plan will raise your motivation, self- efficacy and fortitude.

3. Focus more on concrete action taking- We sometimes get caught up in daydreaming or fantasying about what life will be like should our goals be achieved. The expression” I can taste it” is often being said when it comes to goal achievements. But we need to realize that dreaming about it will not make it happen and in reality challenges, unplanned circumstances and negative things occur that can make the goal achievement not as rosy and easy as we see it in our fantasies.

Thinking about the benefits that you will enjoy should the goal will be achieved can boost your motivation but with it you also need to define your goal, take action and brainstorm how you will cope and problem solve potential obstacles.  It is also beneficial to think about your strengths and weaknesses and on what you need to do in order to overcome these weakness and strengthen your resources (e.g. seek advice, hire a professional, gather information, learn new skills by taking a course, practice to get more experience before you start, observe others etc)

4. Intrinsic and extrinsic motivation– In the beginning we often feel energized, excited, enthusiastic and bursting with motivation but with time these levels can drop. It is a natural process.  It is up to you to keep it up and persevere.  Motivation is kept up by intrinsic reasons such as joy, pleasure, need to learn, fulfillment, satisfaction, alignment with your values along with external motivation such as money, status, material gains, what others will think of us etc. Extrinsic motivation is also related to a need to avoid punishment or negative situation/ outcome. To keep your motivation up you need to be in touch with your true motives.

In the long term intrinsic motivations are more efficient, helpful and rewarding when it comes to goal achievement. That is not to say that you should not indulge and give yourself small extrinsic rewards with each small achievement. Celebrating and embracing your small achievements also contributes to increased efficacy and motivation.

What do you do to preserve and keep your determination and motivation levels up?

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